Sunday, July 14, 2013

Cliche Festival of Life (and things related)

Hello. It's been a minute since I last posted, and it's funny because I'm rarely ever short on things to blabber about. 

Picture via tumblr.
But today I'm going to skip the recipe and the spiel about clarified butter and just vent out loud about loss and grief and life. If you know anything about me, you probably know I'm obsessed with Glee and all things musical and bubbly. You'd also know that for the past 16 hours, I've been choking up over the sudden loss of Cory Monteith, someone who reached out through virtual words and gut-wrenching scenes and proved it okay to be awkward, and vulnerable and just human. He battled addiction for years and years, took himself to rehab, showed signs of recovery and TRIED, and then in a matter of moments,  he was gone. He relapsed. A few people last night went straight to the "there are kids dying in Africa everyday out of starvation and this rich actor guy was just a druggie blah blah blah.." STOP. Just stop. No matter the cause, he was still a person, a friend, a son, a fiance, a guy who helplessly battled an illness. An addiction he just could not fight no matter his efforts. No matter how rich or famous a person is, if you can't find your way out...well, then sometimes there is no way out. Even IF somebody else has it much worse, even if someone else doesn't bank millions from a hit TV show or have a spot in the big leagues, it doesn't really change the fact that they are no longer here. It doesn't really change the fact that they have what they have.

It's irrelevant to some I get that, and that's why I don't want this to be an obituary biography thing.

I just want you and I to cherish life and realize the depth of cliches that claim "you never know what you have until it's gone" (and things related). I couldn't sleep last night. All I could think of was what Lea Michele (his longtime lady) must have been feeling and how terribly her tears must hurt. It's worse for the ones left behind, the ones past can't feel anymore. Gone, just like that. Poof! How could this have happened so abruptly? How could one be so near and dear and not know the battles being fought inside. Makes me wonder of the people I see on a daily basis. The laughing couple right next door, the guy in line for coffee, my own best friend...how do they feel today. Are they as happy as they seem to be? Is anyone? It made me want to hug everyone I know and care about, and tell them of faith and the stars. Tell them how much they mean to me...and tell them not to ever ever hide their hurt. Life is TOO short, too precious to wait. For a second I wanted to feel what she felt, what his mom felt, what his friends felt....but then I didn't. I pray I never have to. I just want to make sense of the universe and life and what it all really means. Everything happens for a reason, I know. I know it so much it makes me sick. But I still don't get it. What reason?!

But I guess some things are better left misunderstood. I guess maybe we don't have the capacity to understand and accept. To understand life to the fullest. To figure out God's intent. My friends have once lost loved ones, and I wondered last night how on earth they coped. How does one recover from loss...

If ever.

 I want the world to be happy, once. I want broken hearts everywhere to find comfort and love again, one day. I just want dreams to come true and lives to be lived before it's too late.

That's all. And that may have been an excruciating cliche, sap festival...but I'm glad. I want to say what I want to say and feel what I want to feel. You can do the same, you know? Just don't let the moment pass you by.

3 comments:

  1. I will say more but for now I shall say, you make me shine.

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  2. And I wanna live in the world you just described. How wonderful that would be! Every problem and every misery seems to make sense later but the death of the loved one... I doubt it ever stop hurt. Hope Lea and all of Cory's family and friends will get over it one day and be happy again. And for us who loved him but didn't really know him - let's celebrate life. I decided to try never be afraid again (and I used to be scared of a lot of things, like people I don't know). I wanna overcome my fear, go for my dreams, not to miss opportunities and not left one day unlived - in my own way of course. In honor of Cory.

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    Replies
    1. Such a sweet, graceful and positive outlook you have on life! I admire it. I'm relieved that someone understood where I was coming from :) (It hurts still doesn't it!? but I guess time sure has a way of healing.)

      xo

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