If you've been "following" me for the past few years, you know my blogging habits are the absolute worst. I had this BIG idea too of landing my column in Glamour had I consistently talked about myself! Cindi Leive, you there?? One last call...
Still, my posts chronicle a lived-in life. That sounds more dramatic than I intended it to be... I mean, when I go back and scroll down I'll be able to piece together tiny moments that brought me wherever I am and wherever I'll be. Oh yeah, my mysterious vague ooooh tone is still going strong even if it's been reduced to only in my head.
Where do I begin?! Oh god oh god, you see I'm passed the "processing" stage of what is happening and also passed the stage where everyone finds out and you don't know how to hold a phone conversation (or in person) anymore. And what I'm in now isn't an official stage of getting married I don't think.
Pause. Rewind. Play. *sound effect from Judy Hopps's carrot pen* --- of getting married I don't think.
Here's a very fluffy and fast forward version of the past two years to get you up to speed (four loyal readers of mine): Once upon a time there was my brother's wedding in a far away land of India where cows roam free and chai is sipped 75 times a day - I got reacquainted with a boy I didn't think much of growing up. He also flew in to attend the wedding. I was myself the whole time; barely wore makeup unless it was a wedding event, never combed my hair, had the energy of a five-year-old at 4 am and as usual, stuck to my cousins like glue. Perhaps he found my hyperactivity fascinating and "different" and set out to be himself in front of me, too. I knew him all my life but never knew him. We didn't even have each other's phone numbers and by chance, happened upon it on a joke.
My cousins often call me "Zar" for short and he overheard it one day at the apartment we all camped in and came in laughing, "what is a Zar? Like the CZAR of Russia?" (I know it wasn't even THAT funny.) My cousin's stretched it more, never missing a chance to call me by my nickname in front of him. I chimed in saying that I like my name! I think it's cute when they call me Zar. "I will never call you that!" he kept saying. "Relax, you won't even need to," I fired back. The next day, I believe we used his new iPhone 6 plus or whatever for a picture and needed it to be sent to us. He was being lazy and told us to send it ourselves. I did, but hadn't added my contact info because I probably would't keep in touch. But then... to be funny, I clicked the 'edit' button on the right corner of iMessage and typed "Zar" where it said name.
Two years later, I'm still Zar in his phone. And we're getting married this summer.
I know it's hard to believe, but I've been a no person for most of my life. There was an editorial internship at the New Yorker and my school's internship coordinator asked why I don't apply? Oh.. no, I can't leave Chicago. Few months later, I interviewed an editor at Glamour for my magazine profile writing class. I didn't email her about possible writing opportunities because Nah, that won't ever happen - also it's in New York.
I live for adventure and serendipitous encounters and moments and I'm obsessed with the way the universe works. But there's a part of me (a much quieter part) that is terrified of change. I get attached to everything from a pin I collected at freshman orientation as easily as I get attached to my long distant relatives who visit for the summer. So to say I'm scared to leave home to move in with my husband... to leave Chicago... is to scrape the very thin top.
If I can offer the world anything.. anything at all, it's this. The story of how it is possible to love, to accept life... to change your course even when you swore you couldn't. Because when you're lucky enough to find and marry your soulmate, not much else matters.
So here begins a series of blog posts that I'm writing for me & you, about the beautiful mad magical terrifying hilarious realization of, "I'm getting married."
EDIT:
August 26, 2018: Well actually not an edit but an update. I NEVER CONTINUED MY PROMISED BLOG POSTS. In my defense (as usual), that was EIGHTEEN days away from my wedding. I barely touched a keyboard. I barely did anything but freak out over getting married, cry, laugh, be too busy being happy and having fun and most of all... being present. So much happened, so much... and it was magic.
My next post will be a YEAR late post about our trip to Italy, mostly because I have a post already in drafts but also because I miss blogging.
CIAO FRIENDS <3 (I've become a 15 year-old that's new to Facebook, apparently)
Where do I begin?! Oh god oh god, you see I'm passed the "processing" stage of what is happening and also passed the stage where everyone finds out and you don't know how to hold a phone conversation (or in person) anymore. And what I'm in now isn't an official stage of getting married I don't think.
Pause. Rewind. Play. *sound effect from Judy Hopps's carrot pen* --- of getting married I don't think.
Here's a very fluffy and fast forward version of the past two years to get you up to speed (four loyal readers of mine): Once upon a time there was my brother's wedding in a far away land of India where cows roam free and chai is sipped 75 times a day - I got reacquainted with a boy I didn't think much of growing up. He also flew in to attend the wedding. I was myself the whole time; barely wore makeup unless it was a wedding event, never combed my hair, had the energy of a five-year-old at 4 am and as usual, stuck to my cousins like glue. Perhaps he found my hyperactivity fascinating and "different" and set out to be himself in front of me, too. I knew him all my life but never knew him. We didn't even have each other's phone numbers and by chance, happened upon it on a joke.
My cousins often call me "Zar" for short and he overheard it one day at the apartment we all camped in and came in laughing, "what is a Zar? Like the CZAR of Russia?" (I know it wasn't even THAT funny.) My cousin's stretched it more, never missing a chance to call me by my nickname in front of him. I chimed in saying that I like my name! I think it's cute when they call me Zar. "I will never call you that!" he kept saying. "Relax, you won't even need to," I fired back. The next day, I believe we used his new iPhone 6 plus or whatever for a picture and needed it to be sent to us. He was being lazy and told us to send it ourselves. I did, but hadn't added my contact info because I probably would't keep in touch. But then... to be funny, I clicked the 'edit' button on the right corner of iMessage and typed "Zar" where it said name.
I know it's hard to believe, but I've been a no person for most of my life. There was an editorial internship at the New Yorker and my school's internship coordinator asked why I don't apply? Oh.. no, I can't leave Chicago. Few months later, I interviewed an editor at Glamour for my magazine profile writing class. I didn't email her about possible writing opportunities because Nah, that won't ever happen - also it's in New York.
I live for adventure and serendipitous encounters and moments and I'm obsessed with the way the universe works. But there's a part of me (a much quieter part) that is terrified of change. I get attached to everything from a pin I collected at freshman orientation as easily as I get attached to my long distant relatives who visit for the summer. So to say I'm scared to leave home to move in with my husband... to leave Chicago... is to scrape the very thin top.
If I can offer the world anything.. anything at all, it's this. The story of how it is possible to love, to accept life... to change your course even when you swore you couldn't. Because when you're lucky enough to find and marry your soulmate, not much else matters.
So here begins a series of blog posts that I'm writing for me & you, about the beautiful mad magical terrifying hilarious realization of, "I'm getting married."
EDIT:
August 26, 2018: Well actually not an edit but an update. I NEVER CONTINUED MY PROMISED BLOG POSTS. In my defense (as usual), that was EIGHTEEN days away from my wedding. I barely touched a keyboard. I barely did anything but freak out over getting married, cry, laugh, be too busy being happy and having fun and most of all... being present. So much happened, so much... and it was magic.
My next post will be a YEAR late post about our trip to Italy, mostly because I have a post already in drafts but also because I miss blogging.
CIAO FRIENDS <3 (I've become a 15 year-old that's new to Facebook, apparently)
Aaahh can't wait for the rest ❤
ReplyDeleteHi Zareen! I used to read your blog and loved it. I love good writing and good stories, but even more I love to submerge myself in thoughts of people who are good in reflecting on their life. I think I appreciate it because the raw honesty and vulnerability helps me make sense of my own thoughts and understand my ups and downs and everything in between. So first, I just wanted to let you know that there is someone "out there" who very much appreciates your head and your writing! As you stopped/interrupted blogging I have lost the adress of this site, but I have never forgotten (which I guess speaks about my appreciation and a mostly-secretly felt connection). I remember trying to find it again many times over and I wasn't able to, so I thought you completely deleted it. And somehow, after so many years(!), I have tried to google it again today - and wow, I found it! And with a "new" post and everything! It totally made my day and I'm not even exaggerating as I sometimes tend to! So, second, congratulations on your engagement and wedding and everything. I hope the new chapter of your life is amazing and I hope your ability to reflect on things, to accept what comes and to be honest with yourself will guide you through it (and I'm sure it will). Sending lots of appreciation and most heartfelt wishes from the Czech Republic. And I will be looking forward to a next post, even if it's in 5 more years (which is the last time we've been in contact, actually). Now really, isn't this just magical (and a little bit crazy)?
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